Kindness and compassion toward others are always admirable traits and the foundation of that age-old Golden Rule of treating others as you would like to be treated. I suspect most people would be quick to say: “sure, I’m tolerant and open-minded about others.” Who would knowingly want to be perceived otherwise?
Of course, tolerance toward all peoples of every race, religion, nationality, etc. is a given — hopefully we all embrace the importance of this. But what about that gray area — tolerance of the life path, personal choices, and the level of enlightenment of others? This hit home with me recently when a new Social Media “friend” posted some strong viewpoints on my Facebook wall, thoughts that were outspoken in a confrontational way. She added: “This is how I feel — go ahead and ‘de-friend’ me if you wish!” Now, for those unfamiliar with Facebook, this ability to de-friend removes people from your entire Facebook “life” so they cannot contact or communicate with you in any way. Their ability to post on your wall is completely derailed.
I was appalled when I first saw this person’s post, and I deleted it. I was not judging her viewpoints and opinions, just at the way she put herself across on my personal cyberspace of Facebook — it felt like an intrusion.
Having never had the need to de-friend anyone (the very term sounds intolerant and hostile) I chose to send this person a private message and made every effort to be tactful. However, in response to my very low-key message, she again posted something brutally outspoken and uncalled-for right on my wall, instead of simply doing the respectful thing — sending a private reply to my message. Again, I removed the posting, but this time did not respond or acknowledge it in any way. Yet I did not de-friend her either.
Now, there are no real written rules on Social Media about what is proper, and perhaps therefore justifying the existence of this potent de-friending ability. To me posting something that expresses one’s clear viewpoints in a very bold and disrespectful way on somebody else’s profile seems like the equivalent of someone randomly ringing my doorbell and trying to convert me to their religion, or trying to sell me something I absolutely am not interested in.
We’ve all heard about those cases of real cyber-bullying which resulted in several suicides of the young people who were the targets of this hostility. This is so sad and so extreme. Fortunately, this has gained huge media coverage and one can only hope that this malicious practice will stop.
But even in our more mature and hopefully more enlightened circles, why do some people try to push their views onto others, in a very brash manner? It is so essential to respect others’ points of view and their own personal choices. We can gently encourage, we can do our best to be understanding — but we cannot push in an overbearing way. Instead, strive to be tactful — and tact is a skill that sometimes takes years and years to learn. We all need to give some advance thought to what we’re putting out there for the public (or at least our circle of connections) to see. How do you want to be seen and perceived? How does one’s postings and tweets reflect your core character? Think about this BEFORE you write something up there for the world to view.
Social Media (as well as regular blogging) gives us the amazing ability to connect with so many other like-minded individuals — and I appreciate the technological expansiveness of this. It has opened up a new world of kind and compassionate connections for me personally. Yet in general, there have to be some parameters for proper usage or etiquette, or simply for respecting others, even if it is an unwritten code. So let’s all move forward toward that goal and if you agree, feel free to post a comment on my Facebook wall or my blog. And if you don’t agree, you can post a comment anyway, but just be polite and tactful!
Affirmations for tolerance:
- I respect others opinions and choices as I ask that they respect mine.
- It is easy for me to encourage others in a positive and upbeat way.
- I practice tolerance, understanding and compassion in all areas of my life.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Healthy Health, Krystal Cambridge. Krystal Cambridge said: Tolerance and Tact | Respecting Others On Social Media | Reiki …: Tolerance and respect of the life path, person… http://bit.ly/cKCjRj […]
I very much agree with your statements here, and agree that it is the decent thing to do to privately air some issues rather than publicly display them. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband just yesterday. He went to shake the hand of a biker at a diner who wore a jacket conveying that he was part of a group that helps protect military funerals from hecklers. While the hecklers are protected by freedom of speech laws, they are not behaving as decent human beings. Life could be so much smoother if people kept in mind – the decent thing to do. Just common manners and the Golden Rule.
Hi Sheryl, Thanks for this post. I Would like to share it. It is a great reminder for me too. I have noticed so much negativity from others and have been sparked to respond a few times, which isnt appropriate for my well being. Chat soon. Denise Bruce
Denise – Of course you may share this. It’s not always easy to stay calm and diplomatic, but yes, better for our own well-being to work towards that. Thanks for your comment!
Vicki – thanks so much for sharing about your husband’s experience. It is a beautiful thing to have freedom of speech, but it is also a beautiful thing to have respect and decency toward others. Common sense, good manners and the Golden Rule — old fashioned values that still have a place in modern life!
Sheryl, thanks so much for this post – it is especially appreciated and needed these days, when something a person says to you in social media can be broadcast so easily to so many people, and can be SO hurtful. It is also so easy to push the “send” button on an email before really thinking about how what you have written will affect the other person. I have to remind myself sometimes to take a deep breath and look over an email one more time to really read it and “hear” what it is saying before pressing the send button. Many thanks for your wise words.
Sarah – thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. It’s a great practice to really look over your emails before you send them. Mny people just dash off emails to others, sometimes when they are not in a very positive frame of mind, and then the email will reflect that. At times people deliberately send disrespectful emails, but sometimes it is unintentional. And the “tone” of an email can be rather subjective. So giving that email or post a second objective read before sending it out into cyberspace (where it has the potential to become quite public) is an excellent practice!
Sheryl, you have really hit on something here!
Social media is great, but it does leave a door open for people to be impulsive with their comments. When I read disparaging comments, I wonder how the conversation would go if these two people were sitting down, having a cup of coffee?
I recently witnessed a Facebook Friend’s status comment (that I found motivating) become the target of paragraphs and paragraphs, in multiple postings, of political verbiage by another friend (whom we both know in person.) It was so ridiculous and I felt sad for both of them.
Denise’s comment resinated with me because I wanted to respond and defend my friend, AND tell the other person how rude he was being.
We all have different views and ideas, but as you have said, Sheryl, the key is tolerance, and openess.
Karen – thanks for adding your thoughts to this forum. I agree that face-to-face conversation might take a very different turn and we’re more likely to be kinder and more tactful in person. It is certainly very easy to place one’s viewpoints out there on facebook, even if the viewpoints are negative or offensive, and remain semi-anonymous. After all, we might know your name on facebook, but not really know you beyond the Social Media connection.
And another question is, do people who place offensive comments on someone’s Wall even perceive their comments as being offensive? I would like people to be generally more aware of what they are saying out there on the internet. At the heart of it, we ALL want to be respected, whether in person or up on facebook!